Saturday, 24 August 2013
Ever have friends (well how can they really be friends??) or people in your life, or on social media or even family members (maybe especially family members!) who just call you, dump all their problems on you, tell you all about them, their life, their issues and then when it comes your turn to speak...just leave?? I refer to this as: Shoots, Dumps and Leaves syndrome! It is SO selfish, so completely humiliating for the one who has been patiently listening and even trying to provide comfort or suggestions which any good friend would do...then before you have even had a chance to open your mouth and take a breath to speak all of a sudden you hear, "Oh, so listen, I need to go now! BYE." They hang up, no chance to even say a thing...! And you are left feeling as if someone threw egg on your face or worse!! *Shit* would be an even better word, because that is exactly what they just did...they took a *shit* on your face while they were dumping on you! I know it is graphic but it proves my point well. Now how do you feel? Pretty shitty!
*Want to scream now??*
There is another term for this, in Metaphysics and some Psychic circles, we call them "Psychic Vampires". They drain the living life out of you with their sob stories, most of which they have NO intention of actually fixing, treating or rendering better but get all their rocks off on dumping their problems *shit* on you! It is another way to say..."I am SUCH a VICTIM, look at ME!" A very sad way to get attention, needless to say. But they would never (and I mean never!) actually admit that or even try to see this within their own wholly narcissistic attitude. Yes, it is extremely frustrating and especially if you are on the receiving end as a friend, spouse (God help you!) employee or even worse, relative of someone like this and have to listen to this garbage.
And this is not the only offender to having an adult conversation which is fair and just to both parties!
How about the "COMPETITOR"?? You might easily recognize them as the one who ALWAYS has to TOP what you just said...sound familiar?? You know, you open the conversation with a little story about your child and they have to come back with a bigger and somehow more grander story about their child, or their job, or their spouse or their house or their money or worst of all, their health issue! In fact, with Competitors, any subject is up for grabs as long as they are always ending the conversation ON TOP!! It is SO annoying!! And SO childish, really. What makes a person NEED to be like this, you may ask?? Answer: THEIR insecurity and THEIR ego! Or maybe you can't get a word in edgewise because the next person on my list of the worst offenders is the "CAN'T STOP TALKING"( Not even for a second!) offender!!!
Yucky, poo, poo! This person just gabs and blabs and gasses on to the point of you wanting to kill yourself just to get away, get unconscious, tune them out and get some relief!!! Not only can they not stop talking long enough to even let you get a word in edgewise but they could care less (clearly!) about what it is you have to say! The only difference between them and the "Shoots, Dumps and Leaves" person is the length at which they will continue on....hours and hours are nothing to these conversational offenders! Known to create such angst and upset to calm equal conversation that they are often never to have the chance to converse with the same person again! Why would you? It becomes sheer self abuse just being in their presence and once their mouth opens...all hell breaks loose! RUN AWAY! Get out while you can! Before the endless droning begins!! And finally, as if all the above weren't enough to set your teeth on edge....the last one is the one I find even more distressing...the "He Said, She Said" conversationalist. This is the person who takes exacting details to the limits that even a Virgo* wouldn't go to! This person begins well enough, setting the scene of a conversation with the causal, "Hi, how are you?" question. You think you are getting the benefit of an adult and equal conversation...but soon enough, once you answered with a civilized, "Yes, fine, how are you?" back....lulled you were into a sense of "false security", to your horror, you begin to realize you are in for the 9 hour duration of every single sentence her boyfriend, ex husband, ex boss, new lover, etc., etc. said until you feel your blood sugar drop and feel faint from your weakened immune system! The carbs you used just trying to concentrate for so long have all been burned up!! Slowly you sense you need a quick bite of something sweet to revive you, hence you may pass out!! This is just an awful, deteriorating way to speak to anyone. The details of "he said, she said" is all the minutia you could most CERTAINLY do WITHOUT! You do not need to know what bra size she takes, or what shop he buys his Y fronts in, now do you? Or how he said this and she said that, then he said this, and she said that and then she said this and he said that....and on and on and on and on and on until you want to scream," ALRIGHT ALREADY, I GET IT! " But that would be an illusion because they don't care if you get it. THEY just want you to listen. Be there for "them" and let them talk it out, makes them feel better, so they have something from their sad and lacking lives to talk about, however b.o.r.i.n.g it is to the poor listener!
Having an adult conversation with another person should be a joy. No matter what the subject, happy or sad, it should contain the elements of respect, just enough information to inform not interrogate, it should be an equal opportunity employer; so no competition, overtime, "one-up-man-ship" of any kind. There should be enough breath to actually breathe, listen and comment back and forth. If these basic rights of adult conversation are not adhered to then you, or I. or anyone else is actually in the wrong story listening to the wrong person's ego and monkey mind or insecurity gone off the rails! In that case, I would say...bail out!
Save yourself! No one needs to be a "verbal punching bag" for anyone!
Time to bring some civility and manners back to the gentile art of a great conversation! That is how both people get heard and how both people get to speak their mind.
By Shawn M. Cohen, Bsc. Metaphysics
Copyright (c) August,2013
Video of Charlene Spiteri singing "The Conversation" used by Fair usage and no copyright infringement is intended.
*Virgo: the 6th sign of the Zodiac, known for their love of details.
P.S. If you feel the need to blather to all and sundry, why not have a Psychic, MediumTarot Reading with me? We can look at all the issues which may be "feeding" this unresolved mental gymnastics,solved once and for all which would be not only a great relief to yourself and any anxiety but to all those Patient friends and family members in your life. See my website for how to book here: http://www.tarotbyshawncohen.weebly.com